Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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