we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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