Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
