Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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