i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
