The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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