I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
