So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
