Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pooping to opera.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
