it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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