I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
