I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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