Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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