It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize