Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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