About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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