Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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