if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need moral support for this bender
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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