I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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