4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
