And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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