Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
