Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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