A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
