dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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