Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize