so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
