Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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