i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
