I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
