I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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