K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He? As in you personified your dick?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
