I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize