Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
