Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
