She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
