Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
