I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
