"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
People in love make me want to vomit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize