She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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