So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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