we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
