the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
