You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
