you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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