I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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