yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
