There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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