Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize