I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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