You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
