The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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