Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Girls should come with a carfax report
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
