I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
