She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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