i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
