i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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