also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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