so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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