I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you traded sex for a burrito?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
