broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
