i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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