Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
