my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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