Say something about gay babies.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
