You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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