I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
