D3 body, D1 cock
I am spending my child support on dildos
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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