I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
