Jerry, you need to find god
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
