I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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