The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
