White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
